Raving Blathering Idiocy

Woman of a Certain Age

2010-07-17T17:05:00.003-04:00

Laurie A-B sent me this post about becoming a woman of a certain age. And I just love it! It reminds me of my decades.

20s - See the world
30s - Have some babies
40s - Start a career
50s - Be pretty
60 - Write a book or 2
70 - Hard drugs or travel

I figure the 70s will wipe me out so I won't plan beyond that.

Oral hygiene has a new best friend!

2010-07-11T15:19:00.001-04:00

Year in Review!

2009-12-31T09:08:00.003-05:00

Thanks to Deva Fagan for this great set of criteria for a great year!

Five books/authors/series I discovered in 2009:

Kristin Cashore! I don't remember exactly when I read GRACELING, but it was cold so I am going to assume it was early 2009. And then FIRE! Dang, she can write. And I saw her read in Cambridge and she was funny and personable and wonderful.
SHELF DISCOVERY - Yes, I was reading Fine Lines before this year, but when SHELF DISCOVERY came out, I realized that I was not alone in my near-fetishization of the YA of my youth. So funny, so accurate...
Blogs that I look forward to: Six Boxes of Books, Bookshelves of Doom, Mimi Spartypants. Checking my RSS feed is no longer the work-related chore it once was!
Julie Halpern - she hasn't written much yet, but what's there is cherce.
The Betsy Tacy Books by Maud Hart Lovelace - Yeah, I have been aware of them for a little while, but they were re-released! A cause for celebration!

Five highlights of my writing year:

Since this is the extent of my writing life (other than Joy of Idol, review for SLJ and Facebook updates) we will call this highlights of my working year...

Writing [ha!] and teaching the YA class at Salem State.
Okay, the emerging technology course at SSC, too.
The weed from heck at the BHS library. Seriously got rid of a TON of useless stuff and will be working on part two soon...
Updating and cleaning the magazine room for the move.
Another sucessful summer reading event!

Five entertainment discoveries:

THE CLOSER - I always kind of liked Kyra Sedgewick just because of her keeping Something to Talk About from being complete crap. But here she is just wonderful.
Beads!* I can now justify watching television because I am doing something useful like making jewelry. (With useful being a relative term)
Instant movies on netflix. Oh goodness, like computer crack...
My children. They have always been adorable and wonderful, but as they get older they have also become hysterical. They are a sketch comedy show waiting to happen.
SNL -thanks to number 4, I have learned that it is funny again (usually). Who knew Taylor Swift was the comedianne she is?

*these are not mine, but rather what I aspire to!

Five favorite new foods:

I was pretty sure I knew them all until I started getting FOOD AND WINE. It is food porn. I am never going to eat those foods, but they sure are fun to look at! (I understand it is a magazine and not a food, but I am counting it anyway.
Red red wine! Rich finally got me drinking it with the help of the Millers, and I finally get it. It is good and warming and helps my heart stay healthy.
Velvet Truffels - I made my own advent calendar out of these. Absolute heaven.
Pepperidge Farms frozen garlic bread - okay, not a gastronomic bright star, but a convenient alternative to buying fresh crusty bread (or God-forbid making it myself) only to realize I have meetings for the next 3 nights and by the time I can make the delicious meal I was planning to have it with, it is stale. Just have it in the freezer and never hear your husband say, "You know what would have been good with this? Garlic bread..." With a sad little look on his face.
Growlers! You don't have to go to Salem to drink amazing beer! (And no, I am not at all concerned that of my 5 foods, one is made of paper and two of alcohol...)

Five Moments of Pure Happiness:

Family reunion in North Carolina - complete bliss for a week in 2 houses with 28 people (14 of them under 20). It was magical!
Betsy Tacy Convention - A ton of work that paid off in fun.
Beatles Rock Band
Singing on a snowy Sunday
Walking home from WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE.

And there you have it!

Clearly, this is not habitual...

2009-12-29T19:30:00.003-05:00

Alright, it has nearly been another year. And while I still essentially have health issues, they are pretty well under control. I don't feel like I have health issues. And unless society collapses and I am unable to get drugs, I really don't. And if society collapses, I will want the Chrons because I won't want to be hungry, what with the food shortages and the uprisings and all.

I really would like to write more, but this whole having a life thing, as well as being distracted by shiny objects, has gotten in the way.

I also wanted to put up a post because I posted a comment to this blog post:

http://writersdailygrind.blogspot.com/2009/12/instant-classics.html

Yep, I commented. If you know me you can only imagine what I wrote. But actually, I was very polite. I think... And I don't want the person who wrote the post (who is an actual writer) to think I am a slacker.

So I may write again soon. If only to prove that I can post more than once a year.

Has it really only been nearly 2 years?

2009-03-07T20:38:00.005-05:00

Wow, it has been a long time! I have been having a regular old life. Nothing to see here. Please move along...

Leave Me Alone and Let Me Read!

2007-05-19T07:27:00.001-04:00

This is the design that my students put together for our tee shirts this year. I am so proud.

However, they decided on an off white ink rather than the black. You can choose your own color for the tee shirt, but a dark one would be best.

You can see the colors at the Image Market website.

The tee shirt is 100% cotton and since I am trying to bulk up the order I am offering them to you for the low low price of $10 including shipping!

(And don't worry, they are fixing the spelling of "sloitudinem".)

Boy, librarians really do come in all shapes and sizes...

2006-11-12T21:32:00.000-05:00

I do love this image from Librarian Avengers!

Sometimes it is fun to play with google image and sometimes you find things that make you laugh like a 13 year old boy watching Austen Powers for the first time.

Library Manifesto

2006-11-12T21:24:00.000-05:00

I was filling out a survey about the future of library media specialists (my actual title) and I ended up writing a little manifesto about the future of my profession. And here it is:

The only way to insure that the profession continues to exist is to make ourselves indispensable. We can’t be shy shushers anymore. We need to make ourselves obvious and likeable a valuable member of our school community. Send out a newsletter. Get involved in extracurricular activities. Don’t you dare sit behind that circulation desk and stamp books all day. Be an expert and finding that one thing that makes someone’s learning journey a little bit easier. Chat with students, recommend books. Ask about their interests. I imagine myself in this job like Don Corleone. I want to do a favor for everyone in my building. Not so that they “owe” me. But so that when budgets start to get slashed my administrator says, “We couldn’t possibly do without Barb.” Or when my students graduate and move on in life and I see them downtown they say, “The library at college sure is a lot quieter than yours.” Because they spend a lot of time there and when theydo - they know how to find things. And when they move on in life and they have kids of their own, their memories of libraries are pleasant and so they take their kids to the public library and start a new generation of people who appreciate and use libraries.

Barbvember Again

2006-11-12T20:44:00.000-05:00

Well, it is Barbvember again. The most wonderful month of the year. When I want to cook soup and play the piano and be nice to others. I start thinking about my Christmas letter and snow days.

I am not yet tired of the nip in the air. I welcome rainy days and clouds. Of course, check with me in two months, I'll be bitching and moaning again...

Of course American Idol will have started again by then. Phew - something to live for.

I had some girlfriends over yesterday to play Taboo, Mary Feckerkill, Cranium and Speed Scrabble (at which I rock enormously - unlike regular Scrabble, or as I call is - Hardscrabble). They all liked each other and we ate like pigs. It was lovely.

Paid for by the Campaign to Elect Deval Patrick

2006-10-17T06:39:00.000-04:00

During the Romney-Healy administration construction of workhouses and orphanages increased 400%. Sales of gruel and mealy bread skyrocketed. Children began wearing rags and speaking with cockney accents and asking for "more".

Kerry Healey: she will continue to crush the poor beneath her heel while laughing maniacally and twisting her hands.

Paid for by the Campaign to Elect Kerry Healey

2006-10-17T06:22:00.000-04:00

deval
Originally uploaded by brunhildecrow.

In 1978, while he was working in Africa Deval Patrick placed in his mouth, masticated, swallowed and digested a piece of actual dog meat! Just like your little bichon frise, Muffin.

When he was approached about this 20 years lated he claimed, " was only a tiny piece and I didn't know what kind of meat it was. It was an honor to be offered meat in a home and I didn't ask."

That's right. He "didn't even ask."

Deval Patrick: he will eat your pets.

Other blogs make me feel like a nincompoop...

2006-10-07T22:26:00.000-04:00

marmaduke
Originally uploaded by brunhildecrow.

I adore Mimismartypants and I just found two hysterical new blogs thanks to her latest post.

The first is Joe Mathlete Explains Todays Marmaduke in 500 Words or Less which made me nearly weep with hilarity. The other is Gin and Somthing which I am too lazy to look up, but the mystery will be solved when you click on it your damn self.

In other news, I went to see moe. yesterday and danced like the freaky hippie girl I kind of was 20 years ago. It was joyful and fun for about 20 minutes and then I realzed that my feet were killing me and I was drooling a little bit and my hair was coming out of its bun in a way that was more shopping-cart-lady than sexy-librarian. The reason we went was because my friend Jane's sons are in the band that opened for moe., the Ryan Montbleau band. They were great. But the sad fact is I am old for the concert-going experience. In a wee bit of small-world-ish-ness - my sister Susan's friends (the band that played at her wedding) opened for moe the next night. Huh...

And my children both went to the Topsfield Fair with friends today because they are tremendously old and mature. And my 13 year old was the victim of attempted carny-rip-off-ery and he stood his ground (twice!) and got his money back and a kick-ass prize.

Not that I have anything against carnies. As a matter of fact, if you check out my Netflicks queue (my newest passion) you will see it is loaded with Carnies!

And now to sleep so dream of jam bands and the midway.

Superstar

2006-09-20T06:46:00.000-04:00

Superstar
Originally uploaded by brunhildecrow.

Last night my dear friend Niffer and I went to see Jesus Christ Superstar at the North Shore Music Theatre. It was really really good. The guy who played Jesus was pretty and a great singer. As was the woman who played Mary Magdeline. But the one who really surprised me was The guy who played Judas. He is the embarassingly named Delisco. I was really moved by the show. It was both better musically and darker than I thought it would be.

In the early 70's my mom listened to the soundtrack over and over. It was very cool to hear the music again and I had to laugh because I really only know the songs that were on sides one and three of the double album set. Apparently Mom wasn't a big fan of sides two and four.

Broken

2006-09-20T06:40:00.000-04:00

gothkid
Originally uploaded by brunhildecrow.

One of my library aides from last year is in jail. A sweet little pothead Goth kid who liked to update his MySpace account and read the I Ching is now in the big house hopefully not making special new friends.

Apparently he is involved in a pretty serious assult/robbery and since he is 18 he is in deep. The group of people he was with nearly killed a man and stole his wallet. The poor guy is in ICU and it is touch and go as to whether he will survive. And Gothkid used the ATM card to withdraw money. Somehow it is really important to me that Gothkid wasn't in on the hurting but rather just did the stealing. I know that is stupid.

And so I wonder at what point was this set in motion? Is there something broken in him now?

Sorry, no funny in this one. Other than the funny South Park kid.

Fatty McFatburger

2006-09-17T06:53:00.000-04:00

Fatty McFatburger
Originally uploaded by brunhildecrow.

Last night I made my 8 year old son's dream come true and let him watch Morgan Spurlock's Supersize Me. It was really interesting. I was a little nervous because in this house we don't talk about FAT as a bad thing. Some people are fat and some are not. Just like some people have squeaky voices or curley hair.

The movie didn't mention attractiveness or appearance at all and the health benefits didn't deal so much with overweight as they did with healthy eating and exercies which is a fine (but in my opinion important) point.

So the new plan is this. Everyone in the family is going to plan 2 meals a week. Since we are 4 one person not only gets the week off of meal planning, but also gets to choose where and which night we will eat out or get take out. Oh the power! And we are off the soda.

The irony here is that Mr.-8-year-old loves him some Mickey D's. Poor little troll.

In other news I am having a Pampered Chef party. I feel like a whore. But I want a pizza stone. And I am not afraid to shatter the barrier between friendship and commerce to get it. But I will be telling all the invitees that they are under no obligation to come and I will respect them if they tell me I am a horrible person. But I still want the pizza stone.

Another reason I am posting is because I just read an article on RSS feeds and I set one up. And goober that I am, my first blog on the feed is this on. In case I ever post in my sleep and then forget that I did, I will be aware when I check my feed. And don't I sound cool saying, "Check my feed?" Library media specialist!

Older than I am Young...

2006-09-15T06:24:00.000-04:00

old lady with naughty ooooooh look
Originally uploaded by brunhildecrow.

Isn't this picture my evil (or less evil) 1963 twin? I am a little scared because it wouldn't take much for me to look just like her. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I am practicing this face even as I type. And I can't take credit for the flickr title. I Google-imaged "old lady" and came up with this from some now defunct blog and couldn't bear to change the name.

So the reason I am all about the old is because I was up walking at 5:30. ( I was returning library books, if you must know, and I am well aware of how insanely geeky that makes me. Walking to the library to return books at the crack 'ho' dawn. See picture above.) And while I was walking I happened to wonder what the date was. And so I lifted my watch with my tiny little date wheel to my face only to find that lo and behold, someone had replaced my convenient little date wheel with an amorphous blob! Imagine my surprise. And so I did what the newly aged have been doing since time immemorial. I lifted my glasses and held the damn thing up to my eye. I could see the date. Oh my stars, I am old.

Additional evidence is that [Wil], my 3rd grader, has a kindergarten book buddy. Yes, he is on the mature, responsible end of the book buddy spectrum. Gadzooks!

And since I mentioned my younger son, I should mention my older son. I believe I am calling him Fred, (Internet safety - ever vigilent. Or dopey.) He said the best thing to me yesterday. "Mom, you know how they say you get an extra 7 seconds of life for each time you laugh? Well, I must have gained 15 minutes today." I thought that was wonderful.

Unbunning!

2006-09-14T14:51:00.000-04:00

I was just reading an email from a website cataloging lady who is wonderful. See wrote an article about building your library's website which I read an thought, "Someday..." Anyway she said that librarians need to get serious about "unbunning" which means we must stop acting as if we have the Encyclopedia Britannica up our collective asses. I thouth it was an excellent term.

See, Mosey Posy sent me a nice comment about how nice it was to have me writing again, and this is what she gets for her trouble. Boring library stuff.

I will probably be more interesting eventually.

It's corndog season, my boy!

2006-09-10T08:13:00.000-04:00

Fall...
Originally uploaded by brunhildecrow.

The rivers are just swollen with their nitrate-y goodness.

Man, it has been a long time since I posted. I had a list as long as my arm of things I wanted to write about and now that I am writing, I can remember none of them. Sure, the basic ideas are still there - but the pithy bon mots I was going to toss our like croutons on the spinach salad of my opinions are gone.

Here are my fun fun fun topics that I was going to make funny (really!):

1 - Global Warming and the inevitable forthcoming ice age

2- Women's Rights and their being chucked out the window in the aforementioned global disaster

3 - What I like to watch on TV

4 - How fat I am becoming

5 - At what point will I be in too much discomfort in my golden years (see above) to want to stay alive

6 - Is Jepoardy getting harder or am I getting dumber?

7 - When did I become the kind of person who gets impatient with children in restaurants and why don't they offer child-free seating?

8 - What are the odds that I will write in this blog again before next spring?

No no! I am going to be devoted and keep this baby going...

Really.

Look, Ma - no picture!

2006-04-08T07:58:00.000-04:00

I can finally post on my Mac without using Flickr. Not that I don't love Flickr... It just takes time to find a somewhat appropriate pic and then upload it, find a way to tie it to the text - move my text to word for the ever-necessary spell check and finally try to remember what I wanted to post about!

But I do remember what I wanted to post about. When last I wrote I was still reeling from the freshmen semi-formal. But no longer. I was shocked at first but now I realized this shocking truth - teenagers are interested in sex. I know! It sounded crazy to me at first until I remembered being a teenager and thought, "Oh yeah... I remember..." The difference is, that there is really less shame.

And it is hard to say if this is a good thing or not. For a lot of people the "shame" aspect of sex has a shelf-life that is far too long. But on the other hand there is such a thing as decorum. Is there a way of promoting the idea that - while there is nothing wrong with a healthy sex drive - it might make the old folks uncomfortable if you display it in front of them so obviously.

One little freshman girl was at the circ desk when I was talking about the dance with some senior girls who laughed at me and told me to get my shots in order if I were going to the junior prom. When she heard that I had been in the room where the dancing was she said, in a shocked voice, "You were watching?"

"Hey, listen girlie, I'm not the perv here!" I replied. Of course I didn't. But I did gently tell her that the whole world was watching and she should probably behave at the dance as if her Dad and God were standing right behind her shoulder. Okay, I didn't say that either. I just said, "Of course. You all looked so nice, all dressed up," and left it at that.

But realistically - society shoves sex down these kids' throats all the time and it should come as no surprise when they get the message that anything goes and it really doesn't matter who is watching.

I look forward to attending the sophomore semi-formal and staying behind the snack table where I belong!

Dance Floor Confidential

2006-03-25T14:52:00.000-05:00

highschooldance
Originally uploaded by brunhildecrow.

Okay, I haven't posted since the beginning of September. That is very very wrong. But nothing has happened of import since then.

Well, my sister got married, and my wonderful mother in law passed away - but those things were TOO big to blog. I needed some event that was in some respects frivolous and yet memorable.

Which brings us to last night. The night that I learned that the students to whom I give advice on citation style and for whom I find books and articles, and those who occasionally confide their hopes and dreams to me are really gross when they dance.

Honest to goodness, I am not an old woman, nor am I a prude but the moves thay make are all about grinding. Ewwww! And I don't want to use the phrase doggy-style. Whoops, I did. "At least look at her face when you are rubbing against herm young man!" I shouted many a time... Not really, I just ran away and poured juice.

I am still mildly skeeved!

helmet

2005-09-09T20:21:00.000-04:00

helmet
Originally uploaded by brunhildecrow.

Everyone at my gym apparently thinks I am "special" because I come in every morning wearing a helmet. Seriously! Do these people not understand that a bike can go on the road as easily as a car can?

I bike a mile or so there and back and then I don't have to waste my time on the elliptical machine before I use the muscle machines. And I don't burn any gas.

But a man in black spandex said to me this morning, "That's a nice helmet you have there. What do you wear it for?" I made a joke about needing to be protected from myself. What I wanted to say was, "That's a very prominant package you have there. How many socks are you stuffing it with?" But I refrained.

I hate people at 5:30 am.

Pat, oh Pat...

2005-08-24T08:38:00.000-04:00

pats
Originally uploaded by brunhildecrow.

There is nothing that makes me more wierdly interested than when the religious right gets wacky - if we can, in good conscience, refer to calling for the murder or a world leader as "wacky".

Why oh why are my fellow Christians so idiotic? Are we reading the same Bible? Are we praying to the same God?

This reminds me of a bumper sticker that I adore - even though I don't put it on my car just in case...well, in case of whatever. The sticker says:

Jesus loves you.
But I'm His favorite.

If you have an interest in writing that is scripturally sound, socially liberal and extremely funny check out The Wittenburg Door.

ADD-A-ROOM!!

2005-07-30T21:40:00.000-04:00

Standardroom
Originally uploaded by brunhildecrow.

My dear friend Lady Chardonnay in her oh so clever way brought up a subject mysterious to her - the add-a-room. Us hardcore campers all know what this is - a sort of tent that you put on the front of your camper to...wait for it...ADD a ROOM to your camper.

The reason she brings this up is because I sold my mother's trailer to some nice people having told them that there was an a-a-r (some times we cool campers are so blase that we abbreviate) when there is, in fact, not. This would have added nearly a thousand dollars to the price. Whoopsie!

Hopefully the kind (and probably by now really really pissed) buyers will stumble upon this - my favorite science article ever- and it will make them laugh and therefore not try to come and find me with baseball bats to break my kneecaps.

Maybe I will fond a forum like this to post my shame at my pathetic salespersonship.

Campy-Camperwoman

2005-07-27T13:08:00.000-04:00

IM004635
Originally uploaded by brunhildecrow.

Wondering where I was? This is where I lived for the past 3 weeks. It was really fun. My children got filthy and ran amok like savages. I sat in the shade and read dozens of books. It was lovely.

The fine coating of mold that began to grow on us and all our belongings has been scraped off and we are back to normal.

This week is sit on my butt and do nothing week because next week is teach 13 middle schoolers to write, perform and produce a comedy show camp. Doesn't that sound like fun?

Here is a bit of the funniest writing I have read for awhile. It is the blog of Quinn Cummings. You remember her from "The Goodbye Girl" and "Family". She is very, very funny. Enjoy.

forgive the child story

2005-06-02T17:44:00.000-04:00

wilbur
Originally uploaded by brunhildecrow.

As we were driving [Fred] home from orchestra practice I made a hand gesture like I was honking a rubber horn. [Fred] became horrified as only a 12 year old can. "Mom that's so RUDE!" I could not for the life of me figure out what was so rude. So I did the gesture again trying to find the rudeness. But I could not. "Mom, PLEASE! People can see you!" Yet our fellow motorists managed to maneuver their vehicles around us without being struck blind with the shame.

Finally light dawned. "Just tell me what it is."

"I can't in front of [Will]-"

"Okay, so it is about b-o-o-b-i-e-s?" I spelled quickly.

"What about boobies?" yelled [Will] from the back seat.

Yes, my child who can not read and refuses to even go as far as c-a-t spells "cat" can spell boobies with no trouble. I now refer to him as the idiot savant of body parts.

And in case the suspense is killing you - it was, in fact, the boobie-squeezing-ness of the motion that was causing the distress. I am so foul its amazing I'm allowed out in polite society.

clutter

2005-06-01T06:52:00.000-04:00

IM004523
Originally uploaded by brunhildecrow.

I have no earthly idea why I uploaded this picture to my flick account. All I can say is that I do vaguely remember that mason jar as having a healthy splash of burbon in it. Things always seem more interesting after a splash of burbon.

I haven't posted in awhile because - well, I am caught up in political intrigue. I have been watching The West Wing (even as I type this the stirring yet comforting theme song is playing in my head) on DVD. My completely awesome father in law let me borrow it before he had even watched it!

Also, I have been reading a perfectly wonderful book only to find that - of course - Hillary read it first!

All my television shows are over and so is school. I just learned that I will be painfully underemployed this summer. Looks like I just may have time to read after all.

k.e.n.

2005-05-18T16:54:00.000-04:00

ken
Originally uploaded by brunhildecrow.

I am so very very happy and I will tell you why. It has nothing to do with what everyone else has their panties in a twist about but rather - MY JOB IS SAFE!

My town was going to cut K-8 librarians thus leaving my job at the mercy of any claim-jumping book-rounder who wanted it. Seniority sucks - until I have it, of course... Anyway - the school department decided they couldn't run the libraries without librarians. A novel and forward thinking idea. So I breathe more easily.

You may be curious as to why Ken is featured in his rockin' bicentennial gear in the accompanying photo... My beloved, (I am stealing that from Guusje [and also every poet that ever put pen to paper] because she has a skippy new blog format.) after having taken a gander at my bosom (after a meal that I ate perhaps a bit too enthusiastically) noticed that I tend to, well, drop food on my boobs. So he decided that, in an effort to conserve water and SHOUT stain remover I should only eat when naked.

You may think that a more sensible solution would be to, say. eat at a table instead of in front of the television like Neanderthals (who, if they did have television, would surely have eaten in front of it). Or maybe I could learn to take human bites. Or eat only bite sized foods.

But no, nudity is the first resort of the scoundrel. And much preferable to my beloved than the first. But I digress.

So he thought for a few minutes, I thought maybe he dozed off and I was going to eat the rest of my slop in peace when he got a little smile on his face and said, "Everyone should be naked." Then he declared that he was going to create a new movement called "Keep Everyone Naked" or K.E.N.

But then yesterday morning when my mom was visiting and he was going to go downstairs to the shower, he hid until she was out of sight because he was nakie-pants. So I think he really meant "Keep Everyone ELSE Naked". Which is, of course, K.E.E.N.

Copycat-

2005-04-22T07:37:00.000-04:00

IM004522.jpg
Originally uploaded by brunhildecrow.

Yes, I am a copycat. I have completely stolen Hillary's cool, discrete half-headed portrait. Except, unlike her I am unable to get it to sit nicely in my profile area. If anyone knows how to do this, feel free to enlighten me.

Hillary was also kind (and creative) enough to put me in the tree in the Ebba-fairy-poo-land picture from my last post. But flickr would not allow me to upload it. Apparently they don't think I DESERVE to be a tree sprite in Ebba-fairy-poo-land.

But they are wrong.

I several hours at Chuck E. Cheese today. I am not one of those parents who downtalk the place. Where else in the world can you. for $30, eat pizza and completely ignore even the very youngest of children knowing that if you have a little plastic cup of coins, they will surely find you eventually? And in the south they serve beer at Chuckie's! It must be paradise there...

So about this picture - my smaller son took this. He's only 7, but he has a love of photography. And cooking. And smacking himself on the hinder when he dances.

My older son, who is 11, went to see Paper Clips with a friend yesterday. I was curious to see what he though of it. I was prepared to have a real heart to heart about man's inhumanity to man and that sort of thing. Instead he gave me a 10 minute diatribe about how documentaries are not his thing. I guess I am relieved in one respect. I was worried about how he would react to a movie about the holocaust. But I am also concerned that he didn't "get it". He knows that Nazis were bad (from Indiana Jones movies and yes - my children do learn everything from television, thanks for asking...) but I think maybe he doesn't understands that it really happened. Would I be a bad mother if I rented "Life is Beautiful" and watched it with him?

And as long as you are giving advice, maybe you can tell me what the piece of skin that is between the nostrils is called. Is there a name for it? And is there some inexpensive day surgery I could have done? Mine appears to be sagging as much as other parts of my body. Shameful...

Ebba-fairy-poo-land.

2005-04-17T07:50:00.000-04:00

ebba-fairy-poo-cartoon
Originally uploaded by brunhildecrow.

I desperatly was hoping to cut and paste my own face to this strange little picture, but I lack the skill and the time. But I post it in hopes that you will enjoy happy daydreams of yourself in Ebba-fairy-poo-land. You do not even want to know what I was looking for when I found this. And if you are my friend Jen you really REALLY don't want to know. Suffice to say, I was shown the most horrifying sight of my life this week and I have watched myself give birth AND attended an Air Supply concert so I know whereof I speak. I was trying to exact revenge on the person who showed me the website of horror when I stumbled on Ebba and she just cleansed my soul and made me want to live again.

Other things that are making me as happy as a pig in... well, as happy as a pig are the following blogs. Mr. Nice Guy writes about the impending birth of his child, among other things. So funny that I lose control and howl. I have heard of Mimi Smarty Pants before but never read her until yesterday. Why do I find it funny when people are snarky about obnoxious children? Even yesterday when my own little spawn was practically pole dancing at his soccer game (he was playing defense and was bored, what else would you expect?) and the man sitting next to me said to his wife, "There's nothing more disturbing than a spanky-ass-dancing seven year old." and I thought, "Too true..."

Speaking of the disturbing, I went to see Sin City last night. It was far more disturbing than any movie I have ever seen - but also absolutely amazing. I did not sleep easy last night. Mickey Roarke was amazing. And I can't stand the guy. There was an interesting article about him in Rolling Stone. Apparently he is "repentant".

The final thing I leave you with is a bit of religious fundamentalism I can really get behind.

Blessings to you from Sibling Gatling Gun of Love and Mercy.

This is your brain on wood...

2005-04-10T08:12:00.000-04:00

woodcut brain copy 3 copy
Originally uploaded by brunhildecrow.

I like this brain very much. It is a reminder that I do in fact have one, although the evidence of that is in short supply. I feel like lately I am on a toboggan made of fruit roll-ups careening down a mountain of molten lava. But I suspect that will end as soon as I finish this last semester of school and the end of the school year. I so look forward to normalcy. And that is my obligatory excuse for not writing in this blog for over a month. Believe me - in June you will be thinking "Can't you just shut the hell up for ONE DAY??" Trust me...

But that is not why I am writing - I received a MeMe from Guusje. And since I love the topic - I am going to send it along. Incidentally, Guusje is the first of my friends to start a blog and the first to send me a MeMe. Thanks Guusje!

So here it is:
Book MeMe

You are stuck inside Fahrenheit 451, which book do you want to be?
Since I have no ability to memorize at all it would probably be best for everyone if I was "Pat the Bunny" or if I am feeling like a challange, "Good-Night Moon". But if I were thinking of a book I would hate to see disappear I would choose Anne Lamott's "Traveling Mercies" and/or Margaret Atwood's "Handmaid's Tale". Because I both love Jesus and am terrified of people who claim to love him and are planning to destroy our country in His name. Freaks. (Yes, I do express my political opinions with all the clarity and eloquence of a nine year old.)

Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?
Of course! I love Tony Markham from the Betsy-Tacy books by Maud Hart Lovelace and Remus Lupin from the Harry Potter books. Also Master Jervie Pendleton from "Daddy Long Legs". So I guess these crushes were more in my younger days. Now I have no crushes on anyone but El Guapo - my beloved - man among men - man above all other men - washer of dishes - fertilizer of lawns - poster of comments. (There, that ought to hold him for awhile...)

Last book(s) you read:
"Bloody Jack" by L.A. Meyer - story of an orphan girl in 1800 or so who disguises herself as a boy and goes off to sea with the Royal Navy. Ripping good fun.
The new Robert Parker "Cold Service". I suppose I could have a crush on Spenser if he weren't so concerned with everything his girlfriend eats and so dismissive of fat ladies. But he is heroic.

What are you currently reading?
"Curse of the Blue Tattoo" the sequal to "Bloody Jack". Also "Anastasia Again" because I never read the Anastasia books. And I was going to give Augustin Burroughs' "Running With Scissors" a try because I loved "Magical Thinking" so much - but I keep putting it aside for things like "Promoting Writing and Research Using the I-Search Method" and Us Magazine.

Five books you would take to a desert island?
This depends on how long I am going to be on the island. If it is just for a few weeks I would just take what I like and read it over and over. But if I am there for ages I should go for quantity. I will assume it is the latter and choose:
1. The complete Maud Hart Lovelace - all the Betsy Tacy books plus Carney, Winona and Emily bound into one volume. Not published yet, but I am sure it will be before I hit the mythical Island.
2. The complete Harry Potter - all 7 (or more if we should be so lucky) see above.
3. The complete Shakespeare - with notes so I understand what the hell I am reading.
4. The 12 volume library of the funniest things ever written including the complete works of Mark Twain, David Sedaris, Peg Bracken and Haven Kimmel and others. Yep - I dream big.
5. The Bible - you know I have to...

But realistically the five books I never tire of are:
Gone to Soldiers by Marge Piercy
Betsy and Joe by Maud Hart Lovelace
A Girl Named Zippy by Haven Kimmel
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling
and
I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith

Who are you going to pass this stick to and why?
I will send it first to Hillary because she is my inspiration. Then to this very funny, articulate woman from my favorite listserv who as far as I can see doesn't list her first name on her blog so I will respect her anonymity. And Beth who is quite free and loose with the giving out of her first name.

And there you have my blog entry for the month of April. See you in May!

Plant Fruit Not Bombs!

2005-03-03T17:23:00.000-05:00

fruit
Originally uploaded by brunhildecrow.

Here is a little pyramid that I fashioned out of the fruit my children do not eat. I apoligize for the unsightly scar on the plum - I think it recently had a C section.

So onto the news. This morning as I was turning on the computer I heard an announcement - "Will all staff please report to the auditorium." So I went in to learn that we were all going home thanks to a bomb threat that had thoughtfully been left on the school answering machine. We were to get kids to their first period class and there would be an announcement to leave. I went into the library and told Jan to get her boys and get out of the building. She, naturally, was freaked out - as I would have been if I had kids in the building. I felt strangely calm, though. As a matter of fact - as Ann (who I kept calling Deb, because I am stupid) and I were finally leaving the building - I was thinking, "If I were watching me in a movie the footage of me meandering to the door would be intercut with footage of a timer running out and I would be pounding on my spouses leg yelling through my gritted teeth - 'would you PLEASE get you fat ass out of that building before you BLOW UP!'" But I did not. Blow up, that is.

So we have a big meeting before school tomorrow and once again, I have to rearrange the entire library schedule for a missed day. Wah... Between snow and bombs, I will be watching the fourth of July fireworks from the library roof.

Combat Zone Hooker meets Girls School Library

2005-02-26T08:44:00.000-05:00

outstanding library
Originally uploaded by brunhildecrow.

So I went to visit my dear friend Alice at the very prestigious library which is her empire. She works at a very exclusive girls school which I shall call Eastland.

Here is what they have at Eastland:

-brilliant students who are pleasant, well spoken and destined to rule the world

-a library that makes me want to cry just looking at it because every high schooler should have such tremendous resources at their disposal (and that includes Alice)

-devoted creative faculty (along with a couple of humor impaired Ichobod Crane looking Yankee snobs with names like Paisley and Scrod who if I were a better person I would not even mention)

-lunches that were cooked in heaven and sent down to earth on angel wings

Here is what they do NOT have at Eastland:

-frosted hair

-excess body mass

I saw one other large woman and I felt like giving her a big hug. Of course she was far better dressed than me and had that clanky Indian jewelry that we fat girls sometimes use to distract people from the fact that we never pass up a chocodile.

So when I sashayed into the four star restaurant that passes for a cafeteria with Alice (who was in "wasp drag" to celebrate my visit) I felt much like the aforementioned Combat zone hooker.

So to get over my feelings of library envy (and speaking of envy I should mention here that Alice has the cutest house, best book collection, and best DVD collection - in addition to being famous, highbrow and having a killer rack!) I have posted the FUNNIEST BOOK RELATED SITE EVER!!!y
Well, maybe not ever, but it is pretty damn funny.

Librarian

2005-02-13T19:55:00.000-05:00

librarian
Originally uploaded by brunhildecrow.

I got the job! I am a high school librarian! Exclamation points can't possibly be enough to express my joy.

So this means that I will never again have a chance to write in this blog. Full time grad student, full time library teacher, full time mom. Yep - I am busy enough...

I have been reading Nicholson Baker who wrote the best dirty book I ever read. And that is fairly unnerving to admit in public. But he also writes about libraries. (This picture is dedicated to parts of the aforementioned book as well as my own favorite place to make out as a teenager.) I was assigned to read a few articles for my cataloging class. I was a little thrown until I learned the only kinky obsession in those articles was pretty tame.

I am in the midst of reading YEAR OF WONDERS by Geraldine Brooks and am finding it to be very moving. My spouse is amazed that I am reading something plague related because every time he goes to his favorite website and tries to tell me about it I plug my ears and chant "I'm not listening to you! I'm not listening to you!"

And I went to what I imagine will be the last movie I see for awhile. A VERY LONG ENGAGEMENT *** which was quite good despite the fact that every man in the cast seemed to have an enormous mustache. I also have seen:
MILLION DOLLAR BABY*****
THE AVIATOR*****
VERA DRAKE****
and since I don't have time to review them here, I'll just say what he said.

Where are my priorities?

2005-02-08T06:25:00.001-05:00

I keep checking my own blog thinking, "Why is there no new news here?" Apparently, I am the only person who is going to write here so it is up to me.

Sadly, the new term has begun and I am taking two great courses and one useless, boring class. I would go into great detail here but knowing how fascinating the topic of library school is to people who have never been there I don't want to throw anyone into a frenzy of jealousy. I'll just say that if you suffer from insomnia - run out quickly and purchase the riveting best seller Wynar's Introduction to Cataloging and Classification it will solve your sleep problems immediately.

Here in New England people seem to be excited about some sort of football match. Apparently it is a big deal. I am pleased because dozens of students have informed me that they will not be at school today because they feel sick and are hoping to be affected by the restorative powers of the Patriots "rolling rally". Which is local Boston politic speak for "If we keep the players moving, it is less likely that the fans will flip cars over and start smashing into one another.

I have a big job interview today so I had better go prepare.

Image issue

2005-01-27T20:45:00.000-05:00

Big_Wonder_Woman
Originally uploaded by brunhildecrow.

I really wonder what the circumstances were surrounding this photo. I was going to post on the Academy Award nominations and while I was looking for a little Oscar (tm) icon I happened upon this.

I love the hair the very most, but the visible underwear (which is HUGE at the high school, but huge in a different way than illustrated here - I'll post on that someday) adds a great deal to the overall vibe. And the look on her face is one that I see in the mirror frequently. And while there is a very good chance that this is a man, I love her anyway.

It puts me in mind of last night's episode of American Idol which was more entertaining that I had been led to believe it would be. I watched the final 12 last year and enjoyed it a lot. To the point of obsession if you ask the men I live with. But I had no real interest in the cruelty of the culling of the herd at the beginning of the season. And yet there was NOTHING on, so I just cracked open the door of shame and flipped on FOX.

One of the two people I liked was a woman about my size who sang beautifully. I mean she had a really tuneful, smooth and unique voice. And Randy liked her and chose her right away. And then Kenny Loggins said - "Well, there is a bit of an image problem." Which I thought was a very delicate way of saying - "I thought you told me no fatties!" But her talent outweighed (heh heh heh) her girth. And as Randy said, "It worked for Reuben."

Which cracked me up that he even thinks the tiniest bit that fat men are subjected to the same amount of judgment that fat women are. Not to minimize the "victim-hood" of the fat man. [And I must pause to say that I am not a "Fat Avenger!" (tm) it is just a thing of which I have been accused of being "too". I don't ascribe to the idea that being fat gives you the right to special treatment only that people deserve decent treatment regardless of their BMI.] And the sense of shame that is systematically bred into women about their imperfect bodies means that a woman who is 5 pounds "overweight" is judged (if not by society - frequently by herself) the same way as a man who is 25 pounds overweight.

But back to American Idol - there was a cute little 20-ish boy who sang "I Just Can't Wait to be King" with a really nice pop-friendly voice and they didn't give him the tiniest bit of notice because - as we all know - people can only do one thing and if you can sing crappy musical theatre numbers there is no way in hell you can sing crappy pop songs!

Shaggy pre-adolescent pop music

2005-01-26T15:22:00.000-05:00

switchfoot
Originally uploaded by brunhildecrow.

These rebels are the very popular (at least at my son's middle school) band SWITCHFOOT. They ROCK, apparently. I've heard better.

It is amazing to me that my son is in middle school. He has a girlfriend with whom he eats lunch. He listens to his own music. His best friend has a zit. His feet are nearly the same size as mine (and I have huge walk-on-water feet) and he is up to my nose. He loves REM and Green Day. And his decrepit mother doesn't even know if it is Green Day or Greenday. Jour vert, if you will...

I was deep in sappy mama love today as I watched him sing along with Switchfoot's rockin' son GONE. He knows all the words and has that rock star head-bob already. He is just so beautiful I can't even believe it.

What surprises me is that he actually seem to know the words to all these songs. I am famous for (among other things) my inability to decipher song lyrics. Someday I will post about other things for which I am famous.

Best Christmas present EVER!

2005-01-26T10:14:00.000-05:00

best gift ever
Originally uploaded by brunhildecrow.

This is the decorative tissue box cover I got at an awesome Yankee Swap a couple of weeks ago. It is hanging on a nail on the wall of my living room. I love it THAT MUCH!

Sometimes I imagine what it would be like to pick corn next to a never ending supply of giant tissues.

Soft, cuddly giant tissues. Mmmmmm...

This box has inspired investigation into the strange twisted world of tissue box covers. Beware, here there be pop-ups.

Virtually unchanged since 1966-

2005-01-26T09:06:00.000-05:00

babybarby
Originally uploaded by brunhildecrow.

I think it is time to post a picture of myself. I look very much the same today - including the little pink drool rash on my chin. (What can I say, I am a sound sleeper...)

I was mistaken for a blonde yesterday at work. I was shocked! My co-worker's son came in and he had spray painted his hair black for a school spirit related reason that was not entirely clear to me. He said that the fumes were getting to him and opined, "They say blondes are dumb, but I think the dark haired are worse."

So I piped up, "What did you say, young man!" ready to leap to the defense of my dark haired community.

He said, "I didn't mean that blonds are dumb!" (He was quivering in his wee boots in response to my fury.)

And suddenly I erupted in girlish giggles, "Do you think I am a (hee hee) BLONDE?"

He was pretty much just looking for an exit at this point. "Um...sure?"

I explained that if nature had its way I would be dark haired. Or more accurately - slightly silvery haired. I said, "I kind of feel complimented in a very shallow way."

I think we all learned a very valuable lesson. (This is what my spouse said when I gently elbowed him in a very sensitive place in response to a teasing yet unexpected pinch on a nearly equally sensitive place.) He is wicked funny.

My very best friend

2005-01-25T21:23:00.000-05:00

mo&co
Originally uploaded by brunhildecrow.

This is a picture of my very best friend and her beautiful children. I have many special friends but she is the most special of all. Do you know why? Because she is brilliant, funny and when she thinks of me she pictures a 24 year old hippie chick.

Usually I wouldn't post pictures of kids on this site (certainly not my own) because - I don't know - maybe I really do take all those "internet safety" lectures that I give students seriously. But my BFF (pictured) and her spawn (who one day - when my friend finally snaps and has to do a little time in the big house for rising up against some act of human stupidity - will be mine!) live very very very far away. And you can't trace her back to me. Even if you follow me around.

And isn't their house pretty? I have never visited - but it looks nice.

Snow day

2005-01-24T17:17:00.000-05:00

mess
Originally uploaded by brunhildecrow.

Not only are my children home - they have each invited a friend over. So there are two "teams" if you will. Joyful cries of "This is MY playdate!" and "Die, crumb!" ring through the house.

My favorite quote of the day came from the 6 year old guest. When he was offered clam chowder for lunch he said, "That would be fine thanks, I can work around the clams."

My theory is that it is easier to have 2 friends over than none. This way the spawn aren't dependent upon each other (or worse yet - me) to entertain them.

We are having hamburgers tonight - the really good ones my aunt sends from Omaha Steaks - I often wonder how she thinks we live. Well, if she were to read this blog she would surely think - "Aha, squalor!" Thank you George Foreman for you grill. And speaking of eating - in my tireless quest to post a link in every blog entry I give you the most amazing display of very unique foods.

It makes life worth living and television worth watching.

2005-01-23T13:41:00.000-05:00

In my attempt to try every new skill taught to me by my blogging Mr Miyagi, Hillary, I present (hopefully) a live link to my really not all that guilty tv pleasure.

Beware - you can get sucked in for hours. Or rather, I can. Most people have far more self control than I do.

Mr. Pointy

2005-01-23T12:00:00.000-05:00

peak snow
Originally uploaded by brunhildecrow.

This is the view of Everest from the dining room.

Going nowhere fast

2005-01-23T11:58:00.000-05:00

nextdoor snow
Originally uploaded by brunhildecrow.

This is the house next door.
Did I mention that it is still snowing?

Cloudy with a chance of never leaving the house again.

2005-01-23T11:54:00.000-05:00

bottles and snow
Originally uploaded by brunhildecrow.

This is my backyard taken from the kitchen window because there is not a chance in the world that I will go outside any time soon. That is not a Barbie Fun Slide (tm) but the actual slide that my normal sized children go down in less horrifying weather.

The spawn are on the PS2, the spouse is pounding coffee and muttering in the kitchen and we are hunkered. I am reading THE LONG WINTER to get a little perspective but since they are still in the fall looking at the muskrat hut I am feeling much hardier than those prairie wussies. Check back with me in a few chapters when they are twisting straw. I'll be weeping and falling in love with Cap Garland all over again.

leisure suit dad 1973

2005-01-23T09:44:00.000-05:00

leisure suit dad 1973
Originally uploaded by brunhildecrow.

Some things get better with age. And petroleum based clothing is one of them.

An experiment in polyester

2005-01-23T09:23:00.000-05:00

I am going to attempt to upload this picture of my beloved, his little brother and their dad looking very much like the poster humans for bad 1970's fashions.

The occasional brilliant idea-

2005-01-21T16:40:00.000-05:00

I had a brilliant idea at work today. I have been wondering what I will do for work this summer. I really do need to work, but I don't want to do anything horrible. So the administration sent out a letter asking if anyone was interested in running an enrichment camp. I thought it might be fun to do an acting-writing-production camp for grades 5-8. Kind of like the Hannah Show. So rather than just think, "Wow, what a great idea..." the way I usually do I actually got off my bewtox and talked to BOB (the former media teacher and current head of nearly everything) and he took me down to the community access studio and I talked to ROB the community access tv guy and he liked the idea. Hurrah! So I am writing a proposal and I will hopefully spend my summer doing acting, writing and media with surly middle schoolers. Hurrah!

In other news - I did finally finish a few books. THE GIANT'S HOUSE was just as good this time as it was the last time I read it. The YA book, RHYMES WITH WITCHES was a good read, but I didn't like the ending even the tiniest bit. Right now I am reading THE WRITING ON THE WALL which I nearly didn't bother with. As a matter of fact, if I hadn't been trapped in the bathroom (boys fighting over the ps2 - I want no part of this, I barricade myself in the hopper) I would not have made it past the first 3 pages. I am glad I did. It is about a woman (a librarian) in New York City and her response to 9-11. It deals with language and loss and I have not the capability to describe it without making it sound stupid. But I feel like I missed a lot of the emotional impact of 9-11 because my Dad was dying. Frankly, I think I lucked out.

Don't ask how many rally races I have done on ps2. It is a sick insidious machine and I enjoy it so. I am starting classes tomorrow (!) and then - no more races, no more tv, no more fiction, no more movies, no more fun. Except the fun of knowing that my knowledge base is expanding. Yeah, right...

OOH! Speaking of TV (well, I have mentioned it in passing) I have learned that Allison Hannigan (Willow on BtVS) is going to be a recurring (hopefully) character on VERONICA MARS. And since I was going to name my daughters (who inconveniently were born with penises) Veronica, I am going to take this as a sign of our deep friendship that transcends the impediments of our not actually ever having met.

Off to work where I plan to watch THE PRESIDENT'S DAUGHTER starring the perky Katie Holmes. Oh yes indeedeedo!

Gaelic for Dummies

2005-01-18T22:23:00.000-05:00

Did you know that when you write something in MSWord and then cut and paste it to your blog the punctuation behaves strangely? Well, it is true. The price you pay for spell check is that all words with an apostrophe appear to be in Gaelic. The post I wrote last night, I wrote in Word and painstakingly erased and retyped every parentheses once I got online (and with the way I use parentheses this is quite a task - and now there is a very good chance that you now know I can't spell parentheses - unless, of course, I spelled it right in which case, nevermind...) and I forgot the apostrophes. Don't even get me started on ellipses...

So, questions have been raised about names. First of all, I have changed the names of my children for purposes of this blog so that if they should stumble across it someday I can say - "What are you, crazy? I never write about you. Now quit your complaining and go get mommy a fresca."

As for my blog name, it was created in haste at work. Brunhilde is after Wagner's DIE WALKURE. As he said in a letter to August Roeckel in 1854:

"Siegfried alone (man by himself) is not the complete human being: he is merely the half; it is only along with Bruennhilde that he becomes the redeemer. To the isolated being not all things are possible; there is need of more than one, and it is woman, suffering and willing to sacrifice herself, who becomes at last the real, conscious redeemer: for what is love itself but the "eternal feminine..."

And that, my friends, is me in a nutshell.

Okay, really it is because I cut out one of those funny viking hats like Bugs Bunny wears in "What's Opera Doc?" and laminated it on my work ID badge.

And Crow is my Native American name. In the words of painter Karen Danrich:

"Crow represents the keeper of true law. True law is founded upon karma, and karma determines the dance of relations in present time and in ascension. Karma holds a particular dance in place until it has been released and transcended in full. It is through transcendence that freedom from karmic relations is found."

Okay, really it is what I thought (in my haste to not be caught creating a blog when I should have been helping students or something) my last name would be if I married my spiritual robot husband Crow T. Robot, from Mystery Science Theatre 3000. Of course I realize only now that I should be called Brunhilde Robot.

But that sounds stupid.

Sideways to Neverland

2005-01-18T00:35:00.000-05:00

I saw two movies today. The first was FINDING NEVERLAND which I liked very much. The boy who played Peter is an amazing actor. He had me in tears when he was smashing up the playroom. Very primal emotions from such a young actor and very real. I always adore Kate Winslet. I keep waiting to not like her in something and it has yet to happen. If you can think of something I would not like her in please let me know. And Johnny Depp was lovely. My spouse can not yet forgive him for 21 JUMP STREET, but since I knew better even then and didn’t watch that tripe it doesn’t cloud my judgment.

I took the boys and my 10 year old niece with me. They didn’t cry and I assume that is because a dying mother is less sad when your own is sitting near you hogging the popcorn and embarrassing you in public. But I wept and wept and fell in love with Julie Christie. I think I will rent MCCABE AND MRS.MILLER (Is that the right title?) or DR.ZHAVAGO or something this week, before school starts and I become movie deprived.

Anyway FINDING NEVERLAND gets **** from me. To review - that means I loved it and you are welcome to form your own opinion. But you must love SIDEWAYS *****or I don’t want to know you. (Family members and the stupid are exempt.)

What can I say about SIDEWAYS? I was assuming that it was going to be like IN THE BEDROOM **** or LOST IN TRANSLATION *** in that I had heard so many great things that I was expecting the second coming and was therefore disappointed. But no, it was brilliant and funny and lovable and perfect. I have liked Paul Giamatti since (dare I admit it) PRIVATE PARTS *** (Yes the Howard Stern movie gets the same number of asterisks as Scarlett Johansson’s underpants extravaganza. It was enjoyable, dammit, and LOST IN TRANSLATION was like an outfit that you know looks great on you, but is the slightest bit uncomfortable. I never got caught up in it. And these asterisks are purely indicators of my enjoyment level not the quality of the movie. ) and I loved him (Paul Giamatti – this paragraph is about him although you may not remember at this point) in AMERICAN SPLENDOR **** but this movie made me adore him.

Alexander Payne made ELECTION**** which is one of my favorites. Reese Witherspoon can go ahead and be legally bland for the rest of her career and I will still respect her forever because of that movie. Her little pinched up face saying, "Fuck me, Mr. B., fuck me." in that bossy tone is the most splendid use of the F word in the movies, ever. The same thing goes for Nicole Kidman in TO DIE FOR****, I knew she was amazing from that and it took others quite a long time to recover from FAR AND AWAY** and the racecar movie she made with Tom Cruise and the bomb movie she made with George Clooney. But I knew from TO DIE FOR that she was amazing. Lattice of coincidence - I was just trying to remember what movie I was looking forward so seeing Joachim Phoenix in (he who was deeply disturbing in TO DIE FOR) and it is the Johnny Cash biopic costarring Reese Witherspoon as June Carter. Hmmm...

Back to SIDEWAYS, it was stellar. All four of the leads were magnificent. I don’t even remember seeing Virginia Madsen in anything before. And Sandra Oh kind of irritated me in UNDER THE TUSCAN SUN *** but she was spectacular in this. And do not even get me started on Thomas Haden Church. Lowell Mather, indeed.

Got a few hours to kill? Go ahead and read my rambling take on the Golden Globes.

2005-01-17T02:01:00.000-05:00

I am unable to watch these on the phone with my dear friend Jen (quite possibly the funniest woman on Earth) so I will watch them here.

So far:
Great Crapping Hattie, Bill Clinton is on the Globes shilling for Tsunami Relief. And I have nothing against the shilling, it just seems a strange venue. Although I suppose it will reach a huge number of people. Wonder why Bush Sr. didn't appear - perhaps they thought people might still be eating and they didn’t want to put anyone off their feed.

Okay - to review-

Clive Owen, best supporting actor for CLOSER. Cute as a bug, dull as dirt. I haven't seen CLOSER yet, but I will.

Natalie Portman, BSA for CLOSER, also. Harvard? Really?? She seemed surprisingly dumb. (Or endearingly down to earth depending on how forgiving you are.) I think perhaps she really didn't expect it so she was unprepared for a speech. I hope.

Anjelica Huston BSA for IRON JAWED ANGELS. I like her, didn't see it, could not possibly care less.

William Shatner BSA for BOSTON LEGAL Hmmm… I love the fact that they completely revamped an already existing show the way they did. But I have never seen it. Like that Spader, though.

Mariska Hegarty for BSA for L&O - SVU. She was lovely, very surprised and charming, I like it when the person is truly surprised.

Ian McSomeone (I’m SORRY! I was typing…) BSA for DEADWOOD. Too poor for HBO. GCH – I have barely seen anything.

Somewhere in here they showed a promo for KINSEY. I will see that someday. But I may rent. I love Liam Neeson, but I am just not that excited about this.

THE LIFE AND DEATH OF PETER SELLERS won for best TV movie or miniseries. It looked great, but, you know - no HBO…

Jason Bateman BA for ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT. There is no good reason for me to not be watching this show. Why do I not? I should just buy the first season on DVD and get hooked, then I would have no problem. I can just tell I would love it. Perhaps I will do that. His speech is dull but he cracked me up in DODGEBALL. Truly, that movie was stupid as can be and yet I love it so.

Commercial Break: MILLION DOLLAR BABY looks so great. I am taking the boys to see FINDING NEVERLAND tomorrow or Tuesday. I am fairly sure that they will be bored, but Fred has a straight-boy crush on Johnny Depp and Will will sit through any movie he gets in his mind that he will like. When he was home sick we watched 13 GOING ON 30 and he wanted to watch it again right afterwards in true 6 year old fashion. “Bush: 4 more years - all next week on channel 7” Can I truly maintain this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach for the nest 4 years?
Promo for NEVERLAND - it made me want to see it less.

Annette Benning BA for BEING JULIA. She is extremely self possessed. I like her very much. She seems like she is …

Sorry, I was just distracted by Juliana Margolis - she is so beautiful. Why is she not in more things? I hate it when people have standards that preclude them from being in crap that I would watch.

NIP/TUCK just won for best dramatic series. Next year they are changing the name of the show to the Barb Has Not Seen This Awards. I have been in graduate school since July, but it seems like I wasn't doing anything in the beginning of the year, it seems like I should have been able to see something.

Commercial Break: Dr. Pepper is using “Stacey's Mom” to sell soda. It appears that they have not listened to the entire song.

Geoffrey Rush for LIFE AND DEATH OF PETER SELLERS. He got to kiss all the DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES which was nice for him and had a charming and witty speech. Frankly, the first of the night…

Glenn Close for A LION IN WINTER. Okay, now I am not casting any aspersions on her, because she is wonderful, but I am guessing that the demographic of the American Foreign Press is fairly old. And when I complained earlier that Juliana Margolis is never in any crap that I watch, (THE GRID - how did that get nominated?) the emphasis is on the “that I watch” part.

The clip for CLOSER was lame.

I am surprised that I am as familiar with the best foreign movies as I am. I even saw MOTORCYCLE DIARIES. A VERY LONG ENGAGEMENT and THE SEA INSIDE are on my list. Damn, these movie stars are starting to look tired. I am going downstairs to get some ice cream and see how long it will last.

PHANTOM OF THE OPERA – I don’t think so…

Alexander Payne won best screenplay for SIDEWAYS. It is number 2 on my list (after FINDING NEVERLAND). I have to say that ELECTION is one of my top 25 of all time.

Teri Hatcher just won BA for DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES. Now I like the show very much and I think she is much funnier than I thought but Marcia Cross is the really amazing actor in this bunch. But having heard Teri’s acceptance speech, I will say that I had my hand on my heart and a look of sappy Awwwww!-ness on my face.

Ooh – Lawrence Fishburne seems to have had his head replaced with a cinder block.

Lisa Marie Presley appears to be heavily sedated. THE AVIATOR just won best soundtrack. How much less could I care? None, none less caring. Mick Jagger just won for “Old Habits Die Hard” his ode to Keith Richards. Has Mick Jagger secretly been replaced by Iggy Pop? They appear to be the same person.

Promo for RAY – great. I’m gonna watch it over and over.

Clint Eastwood has won best director for MILLION DOLLAR BABY. And Quentin Tarentino has the hugest chin in all the land.

My sweet lovah Jamie Foxx just won for RAY and I forgive him in advance for forgetting to thank me. And his speech is sweet as can be. He is preaching! Trying so hard not to cry talking about his granny – sweet, sweet Jamie. (The theme of this paragraph is “sweet”.)

Robin Williams was honored and deserves it. Except for PATCH ADAMS.

Leonardo DiCaprio won best actor in a drama for the AVIATOR and this is getting mortifying! I have only seen one of the winning movies and that was mostly out of lust for Jamie Foxx.

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES won best comedy. Hurrah! That is one of my shows! (The other two are LOST and VERONICA MARS, if you are curious.) I love the creator. Very funny speech, self deprecating and Mom-thanking. Got to love that…

Hillary Swank just won for MILLION DOLLAR BABY. I may have to go see that sooner rather than later. She has a funny little lisp and she sort of looks like she is slouching. There is something about her that I really like and yet the only thing I have ever seen her in is KARATE KID III. I keep meaning to see BOYS DON”T CRY but I know she dies and I just don’t want to see that. ‘Cause she’s so dang likeable.

SIDEWAYS won best comedy/musical. I swear it is on my list.

AVIATOR won best drama. Uh huh, I guess I had best see that one, too.

Goody, I can go to bed now.

Nighty night.

I love you more than anything but heroin, baby...

2005-01-16T16:05:00.000-05:00

Loved "Ray"! Loved the amazing Jamie Foxx. I thought he was tremendous in "Collateral" but I know very little about his offscreen life. I seem to remember reading something about naked pictures found in a dumpster. I don't really want to know anything unsavory about him. (But I wouldn't turn away at seeing a naked picture.) He has spectacular "sweet man tits". (This is an expression that never fails to elicit a humerous comment from my significant otter regardless of the context.) And perhaps the less said about this the better. Perhaps in this blog I will punctuate in such a way that anything naughty will be put in parentheses so that I can claim plausible deniability.
And speaking of naughty - the newest phrase I love is "freaky-naughty" which is uttered by Ben Stiller in "Dodge Ball" a film that I have allowed both my 11 and 6 year old sons to watch. Yes, I did recieve my invitation to the Bad Mothers Hall of Fame, thanks for asking. I am displayed between Sharon Osborne and Pat W. (She is the mother of my best childhood friend AnneMarie who bought us a bottle of Jack Daniels when we were in ninth grade and let me smoke in her house. She also has a place in the Moms-you-wouldn't-want-but-you-are-glad-your-friend's-mom-will-buy-for-you hall of fame. She let us go see "History of the World Part I" and "Endless Love" that same summer. And come to think of it, she told great dirty jokes.) But back to "Dodgeball", it is not on my "damn well better watch before the Oscars (tm) list" but a good watch.

I want to try to list all the movies I see this year and the books I read so thus far:
Hotel Rawanda *****
Collateral****
Maria Full of Grace****
Because of Winn Dixie****
Ray****
Fat Albert***

(my star system works like this:
***** - if you don't like this movie I will reevaluate our friendship - it was amazing
**** - I loved this movie, it moved me - it made me forget I don't live in it but you don't have to like it
*** - this movie was fun and not a waste of money
** - I would have watched it as a free rent, but I wouldn't reccommend it
* - I am so ashamed and I want my 2 hours back)

And for books:
I haven't finished ANYTHING yet! Which is shocking. I am currently reading "The Giant's House" by Elizabeth McCracken, Phillip Roth's Lindberg presidency book that I can't remember the name of, "Betsy and Joe" and "Rhymes with Witches" - a free YA book I got at ALA. As well as a bunch of blogs and Television Without Pity which I love dearly. Someday I will learn how to post a live link in my text (which I believe was the original intent of blogs) and then you can all visit it, too. Oh just go to www.televisionwithoutpity.com. Type it yourself you lazy winesack...

And now I am off to quilt pigs for Jen D-K.

ALA-Fever!

2005-01-15T22:18:00.000-05:00

So I went to ALA-Midwinter today. It was great. I got tons of free books that I quite possibly will never read. But they were FREE I HAD to take them! And I nearly pulled my arms out of their sockets hauling it all home on the subway. But I digress...

The convention was at the Hynes. There were tons of booths. I came in early and I am very glad I did. I got to wander aimlessly downstairs and chat with some marketing whoosies who did not look at my tag to see I am a lowly high school librarian but rather treated me like anyone else they want to buy their stuff.

But last night! Ah...last night I was a V.I.P! Kathy Baxter asked if I wanted to go to a screening of "Because of Winn Dixie" and meet (yes I said MEET) Kate DiCamillo - who is a friend of hers from Minneapolis. I of course replied with a resounding "Hell yes!" And we met up at her hotel. We took a taxi (for maybe the fifth time in my life - man, I am provincial...) to the theatre and stopped in for a quick bite at McDonald's. I know - classy with a K. I treated Kathy to a burger (because that is the kind of selfless person I am) and we talk talk talked for an hour. She is so fun. She has the best laugh.

It was bizarre to walk with her at the theatre because people kept coming up to her and saying "How nice to see you!" and "How are you doing?" and she would smile and say something non-committal. When they walked away she would say, "I have no idea who the hell that was!" But they were invariably people who were in an audience she presented to. And of course after listening to her talk they feel like she must know them because they are such good friends. Ah, fame...

So at the theater we sat with a guy from Books on Tape who appeared to be a big cheese and was very nice and looked an awful lot like Jeff Evans. And there were two librarians who were in charge of Minnesota or something like that. Very heady company.

The movie was lovely. Just what I wanted. I loved Dave Matthews and his giant jar of plckles. I can't wait to take the boys to this movie!

After the movie we went to the Ritz Carlton for a cocktail party. The first I have attended in my life. Shocking, I know. It was fun. Fancy. I was dressed appropriatly, but barely. Not barely dressed, you understand, barely appropriate. My tan Hepburn-y pants and a new soft black sweater with a discrete rhinestone (well as discrete as rhinestones can be) pin. I did get to meet Kate DiCamillo (who heretofore will be referred to as "my dear friend Kate") and by meet I met barely. I shook her wee little hand at Kathy's behest. But it was still lovely. And Kathy (who sat next to her on the plane out) said she told "my dear friend Kate" my e-mail address. Kathy thinks that my e-mail address is the most clever in all the land.

So I caught the last train out and I had to wait a half an hour at North Station during which I simultaneously read Entertainment Weekly and eavesdropped on the cellphone conversation of the most indiscreet (and oh how I wish this thing had a spell check because I am very unsure of my spelling of discrete and indiscreet - and I am sure you can see why...) young college man ever. When he got up to catch his train I longed to lay my hand on his arm and say "First: you should not have sex with your roommate's friend if he says he is 'not gay'. It will end in heartbreak. Second: Matthew is obviously in love with you and you should consider him even if he is 'fashion challenged'. Third: getting your belly waxed may seem like a good idea in theory, but you might want to start with a small patch at first - lest you regret your decision." But I did not. Not unlike the women who feel like they are Kathy's dear friends after having heard her speak - I would not be recognized as a friend by the boy who entertained me more than Entertainment Weekly.

I am off to go see "Ray" at the local cinema. I will post my review later. And it will not at all be influenced by the fact that Jamie Foxx is my new favorite SCB. That is to say - secret celebrity boyfriend. My life partner snoozes on the couch. Dare I wake him to tell him that I am meeting my talented blind (but not really) lovah downtown? Or shall I just up and leave and devil take the hindmost? (What is with me and phrases from the past? The other day I sent Hillary an e-mail with the words "newfangled" and "nowadays". Have I turned into a curmudgeonly man of 87 or 88 and am not aware of it?)

Off to the moving picture show!

Last Woman on the Planet

2005-01-14T10:43:00.000-05:00

I am the last woman on the planet to start a blog. Apparently .